ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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