oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
