apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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