guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
