I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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