return my video game
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
