Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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