Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
