I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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