You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize