i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
