she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
