In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
