So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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