Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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