So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
