you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
