we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize