how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
