My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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