I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
