let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize