Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize