WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
