he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
