The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
