Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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