I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
