My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
