yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
