I hate all girls vehemently.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
