my vag is so smooth its legendary
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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