its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize