Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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