I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
