Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
