Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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