Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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