do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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