but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Randomize