You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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