so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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