I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
