Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
