I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
