Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
