She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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