He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
home. puking in laundry basket.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
