I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
