who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
