What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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