wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
a search helicopter?!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
