I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
