New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
