I got chris browned last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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