she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
