Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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