At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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