I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
