Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
