Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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