Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
