Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize