1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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