Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
