She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
whose ass print is on the piano?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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