remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize