I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
