I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
