and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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