Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
