I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
